What’s wrong with pandas? What did pandas do?
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT PANDAS
THEY ARE A SPECIES THAT NO LONGER WANT TO EXIST, BUT HUMANITY KEEPS INTERFERING
First of all, pandas don’t have natural predators, and the only thing they eat is bamboo — a plant that grows so rapidly and in such abundance, that no panda could ever hope to run out. So right away, they’ve taken themselves out of the food chain. They no longer have a place in the ecosystem.
Secondly, bamboo fucking sucks. Its nutritional value is next to zero. This means two things: one, a panda has to eat constantly or else it’ll keel over and die of malnutrition (and some do anyway), and two, a panda mother’s milk also has very little nutritional value. The result is that, because panda cubs can’t eat bamboo right out of the fuckin’ womb, and mom still has to go out and feed herself in order to not die, there’s a damn good chance any given panda cub in the wild will not survive to adulthood, not even factoring in the odds of some carnivore walking off with an easy meal.
Third, pandas are fucking done having sex. They won’t do it anymore. We have to try our ass off to get some of them to breed at all. They’re way more interested in eating. Recently they found female pandas faking the symptoms of pregnancy because they noticed pregnant pandas got fed more. They faked being pregnant so they could shove more food down their gullets, but weren’t willing to actually breed.
I fucking hate pandas.